Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
