Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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