Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
