I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
