I just pynch a tree in the face
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We had sex on a dog bed..
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
