bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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