Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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