my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
