Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
did i just pee glitter
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
