Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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