Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
