one might say we're banned from that church
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
