DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
