we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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