The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
