I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
