Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
