Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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