just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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