do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
