Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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