She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
