you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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