i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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