finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
