Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
