He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
