What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
