Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize