just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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