so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
