i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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