I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
