I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
