If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
