I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
