Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
