I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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