The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
