sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
