I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Everclear isn't food dammit
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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