I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
where are you?
Hypothermia
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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