On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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