...so i touched it.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
