I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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