Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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