he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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