i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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