another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
