Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
