It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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